De la cabeza

martes, diciembre 08, 2009

El otro día, una niña de 11 años me preguntó algo que me dejó healda. No sé si tenía realmente 11 años pero como el hermano menor tenía 9, supongo que sí. Estábamos en un pequeño happening porque mi novio salió campeón nacional de los Superescarabajos en el campeonato nacional de automovilismo (sí, el autito que supo ser esponsoreado por Catatonias) y yo veía que me miraba.

Antes de seguir, quisiera levantar mi moción por incluir el término 'happening' más en nuestros vocabularios. Gracias. También quisiera levantar mi moción para que todos ustedes aprendan qué son los Superescarabajos así, cuando el año que viene mi novio les vuelva a romper el culo a todos, no voy a tener que gastar tres líneas de un post en explicar el título. Gracias totales. O como diría Maradona, que la sigan mamando.

El tema es que me miraba y me miraba y en una, se animó. Me tocó el brazo y bien bajito me preguntó:

"¿Vos sos flogger?"

Say Güat? La juventud está perdida. Ven un cerquillo rebelde que se rehúsa a parecerse a un cerquillo y una instantáneamente es catalogada de flogger. Y antes de que pregunten, no, no estaba vestida de fuscia, verde manzana, turquesa y blanco. De hecho, estaba casi que completamente vestida de negro. Así que, no sé, emo todavía… pero ¿flogger?


Juro por Dios que no me parezco a esto.

No sé cómo tomarme la apreciación. Me siento levemente discriminada pero, al mismo tiempo, elogiada. ¿Será que me visto bien? ¿Qué me visto mal? ¿Será que tanto dinero gastado en Cosmopolitan anualmente es al reverendo pedo? ¿Será que me tengo que cortar el cerquillo? ¿Será que tengo que cambiar de shampoo? ¿Será que los shampoos buenos de mierda salen un ojo de la cara? Sí, es eso.


Juro que no estaba vestida así. Y de que no tengo 13 años.

Hace poco me mudé. Cuando vivía con mi madre y todos mis hermanos, tenía el tupé constante de usarle el shampoo a mi hermana. Mi hermana se quejaba y pataleaba y me decía 'Nenaaaaaaaa sale caroooooooo dejá el shampoooooooo'. Y yo no le hacía caso porque primero, a mí nadie me estira la vocales y, segundo, entre el Pantene miserable que usaba yo y el shampoo de ella con nombre concheto y gringo, me quedaba con ese (John Frieda para los entendidos).

Pero me mudé a lo de mi papá y en febrero me voy a vivir a lo de una amiga y me preocupa el tema shampoo. Mucho. ¿Cómo un shampoo puede salir 400 pesos la botellita? Y si encima le agregás el acondicionador, estamos fácil hablando de unos 600-800 pesos (sí, no verifiqué los precios y estoy tomando como cierta la apreciación de precios de mi madre pero como ya no soy periodista – y nunca lo seré – me cago en la revisación de datos. El País, cuando quieras contratame nomás).


El shampoo en cuestión. Sí es para rubias. No, no soy rubia.
Sí, me deja el pelo mejor que el que es para morochas. Sí, tantas
preguntas me están incomodando.

Si el sueldo promedio de un uruguayo promedio es de 10 mil pesos promedio más o menos y suponemos que el combo shampoo-acondicionador en su hipótesis de precio conjunto más caro es de 800 pesos (promedio), estamos hablando de que sólo el correcto cuidado del lavado del pelo sería un 8% del sueldo. UN O-CHO POR-CIENT-O.

Y encima me vengo a enterar que el shampoo ni siquiera es parte de la canasta básica. ¿A mí me están tomando el pelo? EVIDENTEMENTE NO, YA QUE NI SIQUIERA SE CONSIDERA IMPORTANTE.

(Obviamente esto ni lo verifiqué pero tengo la intuición – la sensación térmica – de que Mujica es un asesino y también sería un asesino de pelos.)

Estos bolches de mierda.

En fin, el tema es que, aparentemente, me parezco a una flogger. Y que si pongo 'shampoo de mi hermana' en la listita de cosas que quiero para mi cumpleaños, el ítem va a ser completamente ignorado por mis progenitores. Esperemos que Papá Noél tenga más compasión o vuelven las donaciones por la vida del gato (sí, sigue atado a la pata de una mesa).



BONUS TRACK: mi rodilla y mi brazo haciéndose los floggers.
Y mi amigo Nico.
Y un ejemplar de cerveza Mastra, la cerveza más mostra.

47 comentarios :

nAcho dijo...

jeje, muy bueno.
Que lindo verte sufrir así.

D.I.T dijo...

Sorete!

Luckita dijo...

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Jajajajajajajaajaja.

ps. Y "a mí nadie me estira las vocales", totalmente memorable.

D.I.T dijo...

No sé si te percataste, pero la foto es de tu casamiento!

tanconectados.com dijo...

¡Yo sabía lo que son los Superescarabajos! Hace años que no voy al Pinar, pero mandale felicitaciones a tu novio. De parte de un fan de los fuscas que supo despertarse muchos sábados temprano para no perderse la carrera de los Superescarabajos.

Rafael dijo...

tenian unos shampoos y acondicionadores en rivera que mi novia decia que cuestaban como 50 reales en Brasil y que ahi salian a como 10 o 12 (x10 = pesos). yo sigo con el mio para dyed hair (que tampoco es dyed) que cuestan como r$4, pero ustedes en uruguay tienen esos lugares maravillosos donde las cosas cuestan solo 1,5x lo que custan en eeuu (y no 3 o 4x, como aca y, supongo, en montevideo). un weekend y un coche, y regresas con shampoo para 20 o 30 anos.

pero no sé porque hablo de todo eso. no entiendo de pelo. me voy a jugar mi wii uruguay :P

TU BANANA dijo...

Ojalá que nunca me pase....

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a quien le gano tu novio?? es un muertooo, gano una carrera en el año si no me equivoco y en piriapolis le vino la caquiiiitaaa, depsues la ultima fecha se comio otra paliza como las que se va a comer todo el añoooo... decile que este año ni largueeee con el auto asqueroso ese

D.I.T dijo...

Em, salió campeón. Seguí participando. Beso!

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Pero consumo aceite "Demas", atún "Leader Price" y compro dulce de leche suelto.

Porque lo que importa es lo de afuera.

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